ultrasound tomorrow, still spotting

I am 6 weeks today and tomorrow we are having our first ultrasound to see if there is a heartbeat.  I know it is a bit early, but there will be no ultrasound tech in our town until a month or so from now, and I am not that patient.  Hopefully we will see something that looks like a baby, and maybe something that looks like a little beating heart...

I have been spotting on and off every second day or so.  Spotting takes away some of the joy of pregnancy, for sure, but by now I think it is just a weird thing that I do at this stage of pregnancy.  I know that statistically I am 50% likely to miscarry, but I just don't buy it.  I have been through too much to believe statistics.  I think in my case it is something related to the IVF hormones and the decidual lining getting too thin or too thick, I don't know, just something tells me that it is not related to miscarrying, but rather to the uterine environment.

That something might be the nasty nausea.  I am, as usual, ill with nausea and retching, but I have discovered a wonderful new drug: ondansetron.  Love it.  For the first time in one week, I am feeling NORMAL and have actually eaten stuff like vegetable soup and salad, things that would have never crossed my lips in prior pregnancies.  In my first two pregnancies, all I have lived on was pedialyte, and   arrowroot cookies.  Absolutely nothing green.  Even water made me gag, but green or fresh stuff like fruit and vegetables was unthinkable.  I had a long list of puke-inducing foods: cabbage, apples, oranges, broccoli, salad, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, garlic, bell peppers, bananas, bread, meat, fish, eggs, milk, cheese, yogourt... You name it, it was on it.  Other than bland cookies.  Not even crackers suited me for some reason, because I could not stand salt.

In this pregnancy, by contrast, I can stand eggs and tomatoes, and some chicken.  Again salt is a problem, and sugar, I don't tolerate anything with salt in it, and even foods that I make have to be barely salted or else I get sick.  I do love lemon juice and have moments when I crave vinegary foods, alternating with repulsion to any vinegary smell.  But, since I have discovered ondansetron, you would not believe what I am eating: peaches, soups, smoothies with kale and cashew milk and blueberries, and even a Caesar salad with one slice of pizza tonight.  My life is as close to normal as I have ever had it.  More importantly than the food though, the ondansetron is allowing me to live, instead of just lying in bed trying not to vomit.  I am able to engage with people, to take Emma out, to go to the park, to dance and to play with her, to cook and buy food.  All these things that I used to take for granted, now make me so happy.

Anyway, will post more after the ultrasound tomorrow.
Wish me luck!